Forever A Fangirl

Update! GAME OF THRONES 'Story So Far' VIDEO - Episode 16 RECAP - Inside The Episode - Preview Episode 17 VIDEO - SPOILERS #gameofthrones

UPDATE (MAY 9 2012) Game Of Thrones Season 2: The Story So Far (Episodes 11-16) VIDEO:

NIKOLAJ COSTER-WALDAU as 'Jaime Lannister' in KING OF THRONES Episode #17: “A Man Without Honor” (HBO) Beginning MAY 13:

Game Of Thrones Season 2: Episode #17 Preview VIDEO:

GAME OF THRONES - Episode #17: “A Man Without Honor” SYNOPSIS:

Jaime (Nicolaj Coster-Waldau) meets a distant relative;Dany receives an invitation to the House of the Undying; Theon leads a search party; Jon loses his way in the wilderness; Cersei (Lena Headey) counsels Sansa (Sophie Turner).

Debut: SUNDAY, MAY 13 (9:00-10:00 p.m.)
Written by David Benioff & D.B. Weiss; directed by David Nutter.

ALFIE ALLEN as THEON GREYJOY in GAME OF THRONES - Episode #17: “A Man Without Honor”:

Update May 9, 2012 - NEW! GAME OF THRONES: SEASON 2 SO FAR VIDEO ( The Story So Far (Episodes 11-16):

 

Game Of Thrones Season 2: Inside The Episode #16 VIDEO:

Game of Thrones Season 2: Recap #16:

This episode may have been the most exciting and tension-filled hour of Game of Thrones yet  simply because I had no idea what would happen next!

Despite having to missed a week of Bronn (Jerome Flynn)  and Ser Jorah  (Iain Glen),
we had some scorching scenes with many of our favorites (it was Stark-and-psuedo-Stark-intensive).

The opening scene was heartbreaking:

Theon: I sent my men over the walls with grappling hooks and took the castle.

Bran: Why?

As a almost synched-in-time-with GAME OF THRONES (HBO) and current book reader, this was hands down the most tense episode of the season as half-way through I realized that seriously, I had NO IDEA what would happen next.

This episode had some rocking scenes. My highlights:

All of the interactions with Arya (Maisie Williams) and Tywin Lannister (Charles Dance) were chock full of seriously great chemistry. And when they added Littlefinger to the mix it was nail-bittingly intense. (For my part, I have no doubt whatsoever that he recognized Arya. Think about who and what Littlefinger is.)

Said a fan  of Arya and Tywin Lannister:

Kudos to the brilliant Mr. Dance, who knows full well the caveat about working with animals and children in film and is handing every scene to Maisie and her wonderful expression. His restraint is superb—he never dominates with too strong a delivery, or upstages her with menacing hand motions, or any other bits of theatrical business —he just serves up one home-run ball after another and lets her hit each one out of the park.

Arya and Jaqen:

The annoyed look on Jaqen’s (Tom Wlaschiha) face when a frantic Arya demands an immediate kill was perfect. And then Tywin opens the door and Lorch drops in--dead.  Spot.on.

 

The Jon and Ygritte scene where Ygritte kept… “moving” was sweet and sexy. Despite it being a departure from the books,  it made me smile. 

Osha = badass/ good heart:

Bran, Rickon, Osha and Hodor escape Theon's Winterfell invasion, but to where?:

 

Game of Thrones Season 2: Recap #16 VIDEO:

The episode opens on a frantic maester Luwin, attempting to send an S.O.S. message via raven. He just gets it off when the Greyjoys arrive. Theon wakes Bran and tells him to assemble everyone in the courtyard, where he will yield Winterfell to him, 'Prince Theon.' Bran does as Theon requests.

Ser Rodrik is captured by Theon’s men outside Winterfell, as he is returning from Torrhen’s Square. He spits in Theon’s face and Dagmer urges Theon to execute him or the men will lose respect for him (He must 'pay the Iron Price.') Theon mulls this over briefly and then takes way too many whacks at poor Ser Rodrik's neck before kicking it off. Later that night, Osha seduces Theon. When he is asleep she sneaks out of his room, casually kills one of the guards and then smuggles Bran, Rickon and Hodor to safety.

***I know this would have changed the story too drastically but logically, why wouldn't Osha have 'casually killed' the sleeping Theon before she did the guard?"***

In King’s Landing, Tyrion, Cersei, Joffrey and Sansa are seeing princess Myrcella off to Dorne. On the way back to the Red Keep, the motley & starving villagers get restless, taunting the royals. Some horseshit finds it target on Joffrey. He loses his shit and demands the head of whomever threw it and from there, things degenerate into complete chaos. Joffrey, Tyrion and Cersei make it back to the castle safely, but Sansa, separated from the group, gets left behind. Tyrion slaps the boy king around a bit and berates him for causing this riot and potentially losing Sansa, reminding him--again--that Jaime's life and Sansa's are tied together. Sansa has been dragged away from the mob and is about to be gang-raped when The Hound, prompted we learn afterwards by Tyrion, slashes and crushes his way to her rescue.

In Robb’s camp we again glimpse 'Lady Talisa' as does the King of the North. Under much quieter circumstances than their first meeting on the battlefield, she and Robb flirt--then Catelyn arrives with Brienne. Catelyn is introduced to Talisa. Cat and Robb then walk-and-talk until Roose arrives with some really.bad. news. Robb is furious with Theon and is ready to march to Winterfell and take it back himself. Roose suggests he send his own bastard son from the Dreadfort instead, that he would be happy to bring him Theon’s head. Robb says he wants him alive, so he can look him in the eye and ask him ‘Why?’ before executing him himself.

At Harrenhal, Arya continues to serve Tywin Lannister as cupbearer. In a meeting with his men, Tywin berates Amory Lorch for bungling a simple letter delivery because he cannot read. He dismisses his men and then chats with Arya, after he learns that she can read. Littlefinger arrives to meet with Tywin. Arya does her best to remain unnoticed while Littlefinger proposes an alliance with the Tyrells. After Littlefinger leaves, Arya spots a letter about Robb on the table and, while Tywin’s back is turned, snatches it. Later with the letter in hand, she runs through the castle and literally runs into Amory Lorch. Amory notices the letter and gets suspicious. Arya fears she'll be caught and punished so she runs. Amory heads for Tywin while Arya desperately searches out Jaqen. She finds him, names Amory Lorch as her second name, demands he be killed--NOW-- and just as Amory makes it to Tywin’s door, he falls down dead.

Beyond the Wall, Qhorin’s band treks through the mountains, looking for wildlings. They spy a small scout camp and attack and kill all but one of the wildlings, a red-haired girl named Ygritte. Qhorin tells Jon to kill her and meet up with them at the top of the mountain. Jon hesitates--he can't do this--and Ygritte uses his moment of weakness to break and run for it. Jon chases and catches her, but they have lost Qhorin and the rest of his brothers. Darkness is descending upon them so after binding her, the two settle in for the long, cold night, huddled together on the ground.

Meanwhile in Qarth, Danareys is trying and failing to bargain with the Spice King for some ships. Though he finds her intriguing and spirited, he won't make such a risky investment. Dany and Xaro return to his mansion to find his guards slain. Dany runs through the courtyard up to her quarters, passing a dead bloodrider on the way, and finding an apparently dead Irri lying on the floor. Worst of all, her dragon's cages are empty. The closing shot shows a hooded figure walking the dragons up steep steps toward a ominous-looking tower, whilst the dragons, cloaked and caged, cry out.

The Best Scenes:

Change is good, right?

Many changes from the way things went down in the book in tonight’s episode. Arya almost runs into Littlefinger, then she kills off Amory Lorch. Theon executes Ser Rodrik then sleeps with Osha. Jon doesn’t let Ygritte go and instead chases her down then ends up getting separated from Qhorin. And, of course, Dany’s dragons get stolen. The changes from book to screen really added a lot of drama and tension to the episode.
 

Ser Rodrik: Death with dignity – This scene was truly hard to watch, especailly with the plaintive wails of both Bran and Ricken who, like the rest of the the captives, bore witness. Ser Rodrik went out with class tho', despite Theon not giving him the clean execution he deserved. First, he calmed Bran and Rickon and then called out Theon one last time. “Gods help you, Theon Greyjoy. Now you are truly lost.”

The super-fast murder of Amory Lorch – This had to be the lightest moment involving death in the series thus far.
 
The Hound saves Sansa – The Hound was all kinds of awesome in his rescue of the nearly gang-raped Sansa. It was a scene only alluded to in the book so it was very satisfying seeing it played out.

And not-insignificantly we had...Direwolves! -- There were three direwolves. Ghost looks magnificent in the white-on-white setting he's in. We had a non-gratuitous Osha(!) (Natalia Tena) naked scene and an awesomely-rendered Joffrey-bitch-slap from Tyrion ( for inciting the mob ("Kill them all!") after some poo-flinging at the boy king on some low-born's part.

EMILIA CLARKE  as DAENARYS in EPISODE #16 of GAME OF THRONES:

The less-than-Best Scenes:

As Dany talked longer and longer to the spice king, she seemed younger and younger and less and less powerful/confident, even when yelling her standard 'Fire and Blood' threat. And all of her gravitas disappeared when she made her most feared discovery at episode's end.

This season Daenarys is beginning to sound like as a whiny, demanding 'little princess' stamping her feet when she doesn’t get her way. A little girl that is completely out of her depth and is falling apart...not rising.

 

Here are this week’s Episode Extras from HBO GO:
http://www.spoilertv.com/2012/05/game-of-thrones-episode-207-old-gods.html

Why Not Try a FREE Sample of Rachael Ray’s Nutrish just 6 Dry Dog Food?

This is a Sponsored post written by me on behalf of Nutrish for SocialSpark. All opinions are 100% mine.  
I've  been a pet owner for much of my life--mostly dogs--and despite hearing that a dog does not care what you feed it, I disagree.

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Over the Mother's Day weekend, both my dogs tried new Rachael Ray Nutrish just 6 dry dog food and they loved it. They gobbled it right up as you can see in my photo (above).

Obi, the younger, larger boy was so cute tonight. I heard him sniffing about in the kitchen late in the evening, even though the food bowls were emptied and in the dishwasher, which was running! Obi was so intent on finding the tiniest piece of Nutrish just 6® dry dog food that he held hope that he might find a little bit left behind from when both dogs were eating. No luck for him sadly, even though he was sniffing the dog bowl areas like crazy. I've never seen him so intent wanting more food--never mind dry dog food--ever!

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Dexter: Season 5 Finale (5.12) Were You Surprised? #SPOILERS #dexter

Lumen (Julia Stiles) and Dexter (Michael C. Hall)
Image Credit: dextergr.blogspot.com

 

"Don't be sorry your darkness is gone. I'll carry it for you, always. I'll keep it with mine."

 

 

Dexter Season 5 Finale: Were you surprised?

I really wasn't but I was satisfied with it.

Just one small thing  is still sort of bugging me:

LUMEN: “First I wondered what was happening to me, then I was wondering how I could possibly tell you.”

Lumen's 'conversion', if you want to call it that, was very hasty--really sudden, especially on the heels of being re-traumatized (kidnapped, beaten, strung up, by Jordan Chase, again).

She told Dexter that she had to leave Miami 'the next day' almost as if she was running from...Dexter? Her Dark Passenger? Both?

It just seems too sudden a send off when they've spent the season developing a deep relationship. Dexter and Lumen just went *poof?* That doesn't feel real to me.

I realize (at least 'till I see the post- finale Stiles' interview whxih I've missed) that the door has been left ajar for another encounter with Lumen but I'm not banking on it unless it is quite fleeting.

What about Det. Joey Quinn (Desmond Harrington) and Deb (Jennifer Carpenter)?

Quinn knows way too much to not be a threat to Dexter. The set of photographs of the body parts bag dump he and Lumen made that Stan Liddy telephoto-ed, that alone is huge.

Dexter knows way too much to not be a threat to Quinn.

It seems however that Dexter has gone with his heart and spared his sister's lover a lot of grief despite the fact that he doesn't like Quinn 'at all.'

"Deb is slowly coming around to the idea of there being something other than black and white and that there is more than just good and bad," Colleton explains. "I think the turning point for her was when she killed that bad guy this season. And she and Dexter had that wonderful conversation over a beer when she says, ‘I didn't feel anything. And I'm surprised that I don't feel bad for having killed a bad guy.' And Dexter sort of floats something out there just as a little test bomb just to see how his sister would react when he says, ‘Well, Dad once told me there are people who deserve to die.' And that was one of my favorite scenes this year. I know our longtime fans got everything going on in that scene and all the layers,' - Exec Producer Sara Colleton 

And of course, with that heart-wrenching scene above a shattered plate in which Dexter let Lumen go, it must be noted that Dexter remains one of the most emotionally gripping and yes, even sometimes breathtakingly romantic series on television. Pretty amazing for a darker-than-dark serial killer show. --Kristen

E!Online - Dexter Finale: Deb Finding Out Is "Inevitable"—and More Scoop From the Show's Big Boss

A Good Recap: Small excerpt from LATIMES:

...Dexter’s finally broken a chain of relationships that end in blood and death, partially thanks to Deb learning, with Laguerta’s help, to be merciful and have faith and not just barge around expecting the worst from everyone.  So this “clean slate” thing may open up the next season as Dexter actually has the chance to figure out on his own what to do next, and not have his destiny foisted on him by someone else’s death. 

(All images: Showtime copyright)

Core Values For Chair Dwellers

Core Values Stuart McGill, a professor of spine biomechanics at the University of Waterloo in Canada, demonstrates a few core exercises that emphasize all the major muscles that support the spine.

As someone who has her behind planted in a computer chair for too many hours most days, I wish to extend good back health info. to all fellow chair-dwellers. Also, doesn't the title "professor of spine biomechanics" sound absolutely cool?

***Thanks to my bro, the chiro doc-in-training*** http://video.nytimes.com/video/2009/06/17/magazine/1194841000095/core-values.html

Michael C. Hall Wins Golden Globe Best Actor For 'Dexter'; Says Cancer "A personal matter" - List of Globe Winners

Congratulations to Michael C. Hall, a natural pick for his title role in Showtime's Dexter, which will commence making Season 5 this Wednesday, according to Hall.

When he won and had to appear onstage it was rather startling to see him looking like a cancer patient. When he released his 'official statement' last week he was not precise about several things including at what stage of treatment for the disease he is in. He looks a bit wan but otherwise pretty good!

Michael C. Hall won his first Golden Globe, for his role on "Dexter," but not surprisingly his recent revelation that he battling cancer was on people's minds.

Last week Hall revealed he has been fighting Hodgkin's lymphoma and plans to beat it, as he is in remission.

A hat pulled over his head, Hall thanked his wife in his speech as he teared up. In the press room afterward, reporters couldn't help but ask after his health.

E!'s Ted Casablanca asked first, and Hall said, "I had every intention of keeping it quiet, but because the award shows were imminent, I thought I'd make a statement."

Of his hat he said, "I wanted something that was pretty simple, but a maybe a little fancier than your normal thing."

Here's some other highlights from the press room:

• What made this season special: "Well John certainly turned the knob up to 11. He's such a phenomenal talent and has such an energy about him that affects everyone from the crew to the producers."
• On his current battle with cancer: "Well, it's a personal matter and to be completely frank, I had every intention of keeping it quiet. Because the award shows were imminent, I figured I would make a statement. It was also nice to make a statement at the point in my treatment that I did, where I was able to assure people that I am really on the road to recovery. And it's nice to have a justifiable excuse for accessorizing."
• On enjoying the night's excitement: "I like to think that I have a pretty good head on my shoulders and that I don't get too swept up, but I've never been less susceptible to getting swept up in a night like this considering the more down in the trenches kind of stuff I've been considering with the treatment. But, it's really been nice. It's really nice to see colleagues who know about it. Just to check in with them is really gratifying for me. I've very honored."

Source: WireImage

2010 67th Annual Golden Globe Awards Winners List AFTER JUMP

UPDATE (1.15.10) Lauren Velez speaks about DEXTER'S Michael C. Hall - Cancer In Remission

This bit of news about made my blood run cold upon first reading it. I suppose it is always a surprise to hear news of this sort. It is quite the relief that Michael Hall is coming out the other side of this health crisis. I'm sure it's been a rough go of it and I'll be quite excited to see him alive and well at the Golden Globes, which in all honesty I wouldn't be watching otherwise.

I hope he wins because he earned it!

LOS ANGELES — Dexter star Michael C. Hall announced Wednesday he has been battling cancer, but said he’s almost finished with treatment and the disease is in remission. "I feel fortunate to have been diagnosed with an imminently treatable and curable condition, and I thank my doctors and nurses for their expertise and care," Hall, 38, said Wednesday in a statement.

The actor was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma, a cancer of the lymphatic system, which is part of the body's immune system. The disease is considered highly treatable with the potential for full recovery.

Hall, 38, said in a statement he is lucky to have been diagnosed with the “treatable and curable condition” – Hodgkin’s lymphoma – and thanked his Los Angeles-area medical team for their skill in caring for him.

His spokesman, Craig Bankey, said Hall’s cancer is in remission but the actor will continue scheduled treatments and that Hall will return to production on the drama's fifth season later this year..

Hall plans to go with his wife – and Dexter costar – Jennifer Carpenter to Sunday’s Golden Globes, where he's nominated for best dramatic actor and the show as best drama. He also plans to attend the Screen Actors Guild Awards the following Saturday, where Hall and the cast are also nominated.  Hall is a nominated for his role as Dexter Morgan, a serial killer working as a blood-spatter expert.

Source

Michael C.Hall & wife-costar Jennifer Carpenter

UPDATE (1.15.10) Lauren Velez speaks about Michael C. Hall

"Press play below to see the emotion for yourself, and then click in to find out how the Dexter gang will be spending Globes weekend...

Vélez says she will see Hall and the rest of her costars Friday night at a Showtime dinner.

Dexter is nominated for Best Drama, and Hall himself is nominated for Best Actor in a Drama Series at this year's Globes. Velez tells us of the nominations: "We're really excited about it. We are so blessed."

Vélez says the cast and crew return to work on Dexter season five in May."

Source (more)

Down For The Count

Wow! This must have been one of the fastest weeks of my life! Is that another sign that I'm aging? Because seriously, I do not need another sign. I'm fully aware that I'm on the cusp of decrepitude. It wasn't because I was sick and "out of it" because that was my status beginning last night. I did however and quite fortunately have a brief respite around lunchtime today which happily coincided with spouse picking me up for lunch and us going to Mongolian Stir Fry. I love that place and we have not been for far too long! It's a very basic premise of grabbing a big bowl and adding ingredients which include a choice of 4 kinds of meat, if you desire, and then countless variations of vegetables and noodles. Then you add special sauces and spices, then pass the bowl to the chef and watch him whip it up on the circular fry area and offer it back to you all ready to eat. There's also an area where you can get additional food choices like vegetable rolls, fresh fruit, and oddly, hush puppies (I love hush puppies!). It was delish and the neato thing is they are very moderately priced.

Anyway, now I am unquestionably sick. Spouse was sick for a week and now he's recovered. My youngest son had a 24-hour bug and he's all good now. Older son claims that all the super charged things he adds to his food and drink will ensure that his immunities will protect him. I held out pretty well I think, given all the crud floating around me but there's no denying now that I'm down for the count.

Is there a link between Aluminium and Parabens in Antiperspirants and Deodorants?

Pit stains

I was asked to provide my honest opinion about the questions revolving around if there is a correlation between cancer and using parabens and aluminum in cosmetics, antiperspirants and deodorants.

Firstly it goes without saying that we all have an expiration date. The question we are asking is will using "X" cause your expiration date to come sooner than it would have had you not used "X."

To that I have no answer. Certainly on the surface it doesn't sound like a good thing to plug your sweat glands with aluminum compounds, which when activated by your sweat break up into ions to form a plug in the duct of the sweat gland.

However, if you have a job in a setting that is corporate casual and above I can guarantee you that massive sweat stains on your clothes are not going to help your career and hence your ability to make a living and support yourself. If you are not able to work because people in this Western culture are offended by armpit hair on women you won't really fret about the ingredients in your pit stick. You'll be worrying about how you'll keep a roof over your head. 

If it were socially acceptable to leave your armpit hair in place the need for antiperspirants would be eliminated all together and the argument could be put to rest.

My opinion is let people have freedom of choice to use potential cancer-causing agents be they cigarettes, bacon, or anti-perspirants and meanwhile get creative with solutions. If tomorrow it became socially accepted for my pits to do what they should naturally, as soon as my hair grew out, I'd toss the antiperspirant.

In re: paraben. I would encourage people to read the labels on their cosmetics. If you are not comfortable using a product that uses it, stop using it. But again it is not socially acceptable in most work environments for  women to appear at work with a bare face, especially older women. 

The use of aluminum and paraben in cosmetics is a societal issue that is very much worth discussion but  for now it remains a matter of personal choice about how far one is willing to buck what society dictates.

 

I'm a Flake!

Overnight it seems my entire face has decided to shed and it’s awful. Well, not horrible awful but definitely awful-looking. Actually, I could look at this as a good thing in that it is a signal that Spring is on the way. I’m not sure “how” my face knows this but with the major season changes in these parts from Winter to Spring and Fall to Winter I go through this. And it hasn’t, except for one day last week, even been remotely Spring-like. I go out walking every day and today it’ll be in the low 30’s F and I’ll bundle like I always do but come home to this goofy situation which will continue for about a month before normal returns. 
Nice, huh?

/EDIT Actually, when we walked the Raven late tonight it was only low 20s F. No wind saved it from being an unpleasant walk because we took the Ponds route.

I Need To Be Walked!!!

Hi there.

I'm trying to get caught up on so many things that have fallen by the wayside in the past 8 days. That's right, it was a week ago Friday that I first felt the weakness that morphed overnight into a full on case of The Flu.

As I was sitting out in the living room today, enjoying my morning cup of coffee (I can taste it again!) I read up on the current strains of flu that are sickening many folks. Unfortunately, the scientists who each year "guess" what the following year's flu will consist of, guessed with only 40% accuracy versus the 60-70% range that they usually nail.

The article went on the say that February, not April "is the cruelest month" as there is more flu now than any other time of year and therefore more misery.

I have to agree.

Sick or not and I'm usually not, I do not like February one bit. I can talk myself into at least semi- believing that there is a reason to be optimistic about the Midwest's winter weather but with February I come up with nuthin'. But it wasn't always so.

Until this year I looked forward with great anticipation to Groundhog Day. Why? Not because I care about shadows or lack thereof. No, I had a much better reason. My little bro and his lovely wife would spend days baking all manner of confectionery treats and each year's seemed more scrumptious than the last.

We'd hear a buzz at the door and there they'd be with a plate brimming with exotic cookies and brownies--all bakery quality--and then off they'd go making more deliveries. For me, it made Valentine's Day seem not all that important. I'd already had all the best treats I was going to have for the year and bro and sis-in-law only did their bake-a-thon annually--always for Groundhog Day. Alas, they have moved on to more arid climes. <sigh>

This year, Valentine's Day coincided with my flu so no lunch date with spouse. It wasn't much of a V-Day at all. I managed to make some cards for the three guys and sent some e-cards to some friends but being really sick pretty much puts the kibosh on anything fun.

The day after Valentine's Day however, I had an appointment with my cardiologist. I had rescheduled it once before so felt I had to go and at 8 days gone with the flu--no temperature, dizziness at a bare minimum I thought it be okay to go.

Ireland Park: public.fotki.com/HighPlainsDrifter/places-1/ireland-park/

Photo: HighPlainsDrifter

It was only about 20F outside though spouse parked the Mustang in direct sun (yes, we had sun!) so the car was cozy. After the 20 minute drive I arrived at the huge doctor's office building next to a hospital and got my first real experience dealing with the large amounts of snow we've been socked with. On the way there I'd passed dump trucks hauling snow away...and the hospital parking lot could have used  their help as I only was able to park upon manoeuvring into my second snowbank.

This was my second visit with this cardiologist (heart failure specialist) after being given orders for lots of tests previously. His colleague, whom I'd seen for many years moved to the east coast.

So all my tests results were "great." My blood pressure was high normal and he wouldn't accept my reasoning that maybe the flu had something to do with that?

Instead he found the one area where he has absolutely no clue about me and he began to tell me everything I already know.

I could/should lose weight (though I’ve dropped a couple pounds since last visit).

He asks me the most insane question ever. What do I want to weigh? I want to LOL. I’ve been “a big girl” All My Life. I typically put on 5-10 lbs. each winter and then take it off in the spring/summer. Very much like the bears. Even so, I should probably lose another 20 pounds on top of that but him having me keep a “weight diary” is not going to do it because I’ve tried that oh, 20 times before and it worked and then when I stopped keeping the diary because it is an obsessive behaviour which I couldn’t stand–when I stopped being on a diet my weight came back. Can we go back to how my numbers are great? I thought all this--didn't say it--just chuckled slightly at the idea of pick a number for my weight and go for it!

He blathered on. He knows nothing about the mentality of a fat girl, though I caught a sympathetic look from the nurse that was with us in the room. Here in the dead of winter having not exercised in over a week I weigh four pounds more than I did when I took off forty pounds ten years ago. I did that because I was newly into heart failure and radically changed my diet from typical American to low sodium and relatively low fat.

Mr. Fancy Heart Specialist Guy has no idea about how much I have obsessed about my weight in my lifetime. About how devoted I am about sticking to the low salt/fat thing and regular exercise. He just dispenses his “wisdom” like Pez candy. Specialist: stick to your area of expertise because when you wander away from it you sound like a stoopid-head and you offend me. I know I should drop more weight. I will continue to work on it every day for the rest of my life. Can I go now?

So to today. Energy levels are returning. Head is de-clogging though it's a funky feeling--like there's bubbles popping in my ear canals. Nose is still running clear (normal for me) and the cough is still there, though not painful any longer. And I did a 40-minute set of yoga last night.

All in all I am feeling optimistic and hopeful that I can go outside tonight with spouse and Raven for a brisk walk. Please temperatures, do NOT go all super frigid, OK? I need a walk!

How do you keep yourself motivated to exercise?

Two things: Our dog, Raven likes long walks because she really likes to sniff things that are up to 15 inches above the ground.

Second thing is that if I don't exercise I get stiff and I get reminded that I spend entirely too much time in the sitting position.

Second-and-a-half thing: If I don't exercise I feel guilty and exercising feels better than feeling guilty.

Gone

Hi guys!

I'm packin' a bag and heading over to the sleep clinic for an overnight.

I have no problems sleeping but I have a new heart failure cardiac specialist and he's ordered testing as that's what doctors like to do.

I'm reluctant but don't want to be uncooperative. It's been a thin line since my diagnosis--well maybe about a year or two in to my diagnosis, after I armed myself with as much information about the condition as I could.

Doctors--specialists in particular, do not like to be queried too much by their patients.That's why they became specialists. They know it all. LOL.

I am not having any real problems. I just sleep second shift hours--and most of my world does not. I've adapted--why can't they? Riiiight.

I can't take the laptop which sucks the big one and there's no cable or DVD but I have a new book--the latest Kay Scarpetta mystery--so I shall read when I'm not sleeping because I won't be sleeping much. I can't sleep much when I know there's a strange dude watchin' me on a monitor. I'll try, though.

There's a 6 a.m. wake-up call--with coffee delivered to my room--yay! Though it gives me pause that the sleep disorder peeps who also are "pulmonary" people, are content with a fobbing caffiene-laden substance off on me. But I'll take it.

So no sleep tonight--which pretty well kills tomorrow. Hopefully, I'll see you tomorrow night (US Central Time). Cheers!

A Study In Sleep

Well I've now visited the sleep disorder clinic that I'll be spending the night of December 11th in.

It's located on the other side of town in an area that has a slew of executive-type mo/hotels so that part seems okay. There was no one there except the doctor and the the receptionist--both not native English speaking but fluent English speakers. The doctor was very anxious for my approval on my sleeping quarters which since this is brand new clinic, looked like a model-home bedroom. But the decor--oh my. Lot of gold and red brocade. Very, very rich-looking. Makes my bedroom  at home seem vanilla in the extreme.

Kind of like this in richness. Red and gold throughout.

I am absolutely taking my camera as I've had a sleep study before and for me there was actually a minimal amount of sleep involved.

Lots of wires and machinery and--the worst part is that a dude is watching you on a monitor. Who can sleep soundly with all that going on?

I don't have issues with sleeping anymore now that I've realized that I'm not "on" Central Time. When I visit California--a two hours earlier time zone--I can get to sleep around midnight-1 a.m. which is much different than not being able to sleep much before 3 a.m. here. I just can't cotton to the notion that because one can't sleep  on a so-called normal schedule--yet one gets about eight hours each 24--that there is a problem. The only reason I awake during the 8-hours that I usually sleep is the dog barking or a quick trip to the bathroom because I take a handful of pills at bedtime (have to). Otherwise, I'm all good. I could be wrong  though so the proof should be in the results of my night in the red and gold room.

As the doc explained what would happen--including being put to bed at 9:30 p.m. and coffee brought in for  me at 6 a.m. my mind drifted to what I'm usually doing through the wee hours of the morning--working online--so I asked if there was wi-fi and he said yes--but then went on to say that Internet would interfere with their machinery-- which I understand. I guess we had a bit of a breakdown in communications but no worries--I can take one night off from work.

Cheers!

Human Guinea Pig

Allow me to feel a wee bit sorry for myself for about five minutes.

My heart failure specialist up and took a great job on the east coast (I'm in the Midwest US). I'd trusted him for years with my health which in general, has been good. Before he left he made sure I had another doctor and set my appointment 6 months down the road. Last night around 10 p.m., as we were walking the dog, spouse joked about how early I'd have to get up today. I was pretty mystified until he explained that there was a VM message from the doc's office last night confirming my appointment for this morning.

Shit!

New doctor.

A million questions later he's ordered a sleep study (not again!) blood work, an echo cardiogram, and a return office visit in two months. Also, he doesn't like the life extension drug I'm on--wants to go back to a better one--Coreg which made me sick as they raised the levels on it when I first tried it. I didn't argue as body chemistry changes.<shrug>

And Dad, if you read this, despite not ever meeting you, my new heart failure specialist is convinced that you have sleep apnea and need treatment ASAP! Plus he'll recommend a "brilliant doctor" out of Johns Hopkins!

He was very big on genetic connections which is interesting and all but I'm more of a big picture gal.

Damn. I'm such a baby. Scrutinized. Analyzed, How much did I weigh when I graduated high school? (I went through a horrible breakup with my first love just prior to graduation and had lost weight--which number means something? I hate this stuff!)

High School Graduation

I will give myself an ever-so-slight pat on the back as I went and got stabbed directly from the doctor's office so the blood work was done but the phlebotomist was awful! Huge stabby pain, ginormous bruise now.

I had to page the sleep study doctor to make an appointment (wha?). To his credit, he returned my call fairly quickly.

Okay. I'm done with my bitch-and-moan-fest. I'll save the rest for post-sleep study.

Meanwhile, feel free to refer to me as the human guinea pig.

QotD: The Fight Against Breast Cancer

It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  How many people do you know that have been touched by the disease? 

Sadly, too many to count.

Most personally, when I was a child my grandmother was treated for breast cancer but they did so unsuccessfully. It finally spread to her lungs and she died in an agonizing way within a couple of years of the initial breast cancer diagnosis.

My friend M. was hit with it just before I was hit with heart failure. We were both in our thirties at the time. She was treated successfully and I believe she is about to celebrate 10 years cancer-free. It's amazing what a couple of decades medical advancements can bring.

Through the years I've known many people touched by the disease but I can vouch for the fact that dozens were permanently affected when my grandmother died and about the same when M. was going through the treatment and recovery process. One never fully "recovers," IMO, because there are psychic scars aplenty. A breast cancer survivor must always behave in an extra-precautionary mode--in case it reappears. No matter how favourable the outcome is, the "in case" part makes life never again the same.

Do you have a regular workout routine? What's your favorite form of exercise?

This is where I'd be each day if I could. I'd wear sunscreen.

I swim for fun. I swim for exercise. Year 'round. The swimming for exercise comes in when the good weather goes out. Swimming for fun is something I could do every day for the rest of my life. Exercise--not keen on it.

I walk the dog each night. It's walking for what that's worth. I've had years of yoga practice but it has fallen by the wayside at the mo. I need to get back to it as I'm feeling really stiff and um, less mellow than I would if I were doing it.

Frustrated

I'm about 4 days behind in some of my email and I can't seem to catch up--and blogging--what is that? I even stayed home on Saturday night --missing my in-laws 50th anniversary celebration at the Warsaw Inn in McHenry.

I've had a number of dizzy spells since I've been taking both a generic form of Metoprolol and a supplement--L-Carnitine. I don't know which one or both even are doing this--wasn't my choice to go all cheap on the pharmceuticals --it was Humana's. I don't know how long it may last. It could be a matter of getting used to the symptoms but regardless, I see my *new cardiac heart failure guy next month so hopefully things will get no worse.

Gloomy post, no?

*The old one was fine--good, even. He moved to the east coast near my parents. Had to get a new one.

Healthy Weight Week, Jan. 21-27

Most of this article just completely blows my mind. Just one horrifying example after another about self-destruction and how society encourages it.

Are you sick of advertising that portrays American women as excessively thin, hollow-eyed, and self-absorbed?

by Francie M. Berg

If so, you may be happy to know that during Healthy Weight Week, Jan. 21-27, health providers across the country emphasize the value of maintaining one's own natural weight, rather than losing weight.

The year 2006 was not reassuring. It was a year in which fashion industry moguls admitted that a size zero is no longer thin enough for them: they demand models in size double zero, negative zero, and even negative two. The death in Brazil last November of model Ana Carolina Reston, who reportedly carried just 88 pounds on her 5-foot-8 frame, and three other self-starvation deaths in quick succession within a few weeks in that country, caused an uproar, but little effective change. While the city council in Madrid, Spain, did start a small rebellion, banning models with a body mass index under 18 from the Madrid Fashion Week runways, a move that reportedly would bar up to 40 percent, model agencies deny their models are too thin. They reject regulation of any kind. We just wouldn't use someone who was really underweight or too thin, says Sarah Doukas, Kate Moss's agent.

Dieters weak from hunger can be found anywhere. In New York, subway authorities recently announced that fainting dieters are among the top causes of train delays. Between Oct. 2005 and Oct. 2006, sick passengers caused about 400 delays each month or some 12 to 14 delays every day. Most of these were dieters who faint from dizziness, said Asim Nelson, transit emergency medical technician.

However the media continue to emphasize the risks of obesity and downplay any risks of underweight, in spite of national studies that dispute this logic. Research at the National Center for Health Statistics, CDC, published in the Journal of the American Medical Association (Apr. 2005), reveals that the risks of obesity have been much overstated, and that in fact fewer deaths are associated with overweight than with underweight or with so-called normal or "healthy" weight.

This hysteria over weight is causing tragic problems for children and for people of all sizes. Instead, we want to help them move ahead to improving their health in positive ways,² says Francie M. Berg, a licensed nutritionist and adjunct professor at the University of North Dakota School of Medicine, whose organization Healthy Weight Network started Healthy Weight Week 14 years ago.

Berg contends that whether a person enjoys good health or not is more a matter of lifestyle than weight. During Healthy Weight Week people are encouraged to improve health habits in lasting ways: to live actively, eat normally and nutritiously, relax and feel good about themselves and others. It's a time to celebrate the diversity of real women, as well as men, and to help them shift focus from failed weight loss efforts to being healthy at their natural sizes.

One of the week's events is Rid the World of Fad Diets and Gimmicks Day, on Tues., Jan. 23. The 18th Annual Slim Chance Awards are announced, spotlighting the four worst weight loss products. This year's winners:
PediaLean, a fiber capsule for children that can clump into an obstructive mass in their throats and stomachs; Isacleanse, said to remove [nonexistent] toxins and pollution from your body; ChitoGenics, claimed to block sugars, carbohydrates and fats; and the Magic Ear Staple, stapled into the cartilage
of your upper ear to suppress appetite. (For past awards see
http://www.healthyweight.net/past.html> )

Health experts are only beginning to realize the risks people take in efforts to reshape their bodies to thin ideals. These risks range from abdominal pain, faintness and depression, to bone loss, heart arrhythmias and sudden death, says Berg. Her recent books Underage and Overweight and Women Afraid to Eat, articulate the damage done to children and women by current approaches to weight in our society.

Top 10 Reasons Not to Diet

1. Diets don't work – dieters don't lose weight in a lasting way.

Dieting causes short-term weight loss, continuing no more than six months, followed by weight

regain. Often more weight is gained than was lost. (Studies show dieters are more likely to become

overweight than people who eat normally.)

2. Dieting can cause lasting injury and even death.

Sudden death from electrolyte imbalance or heart arrhythmia is a real risk. Each year dieting

is related to severe health damage and deaths in the United States.

3. Dieting disrupts normal body processes.

Rapid weight loss puts the body in a stressful, defensive state. The body tries to defend itself against

weight loss, decreasing metabolism, heart rate, temperature, and sexual function, as well as

intellectual, emotional, and social activity.

4. Dieting causes weight cycling (repeated weight loss and regain).

Research shows weight cycling is associated with higher death rates.

5. Dieters often feel tired, lightheaded, and have difficulty concentrating.

They may lack essential nutrients, including high quality iron, zinc, protein, and calories.

6. Dieting leads to binge eating, overeating, and chaotic eating patterns.

Dieting disrupts normal eating. By definition, dieters override internal signals of hunger and satiety,

so they may no longer know when they are hungry or when they are full.

7. Dieting leads to disordered eating, and is the primary precursor for eating disorders.

Many experts believe the high rate of eating disorders in the U.S. is due in part to high numbers of

people restricting food and becoming chronic dieters.

8. Dieting causes food preoccupation.

People who diet spend more time thinking about food and eating. This "drive to eat" when food is

limited is believed to be a survival trait against starvation.

9. Dieting diminishes women, and increasingly men and children.

Dieting focuses attention on appearance, rather than character, talent, or personal fulfillment. And

unfortunately, dieting mothers become role models for dieting children.

10. Dieters put their lives on hold, "waiting to be thin."

Instead of playing the anticipation game, accept and respect yourself and others. Live the life you

want now. Develop a healthy lifestyle, and let weight come off as a result, or not. Live actively, eat

well, and feel good about yourself. You deserve the best – right now.

______________________________________________________________________________

Adapted from "Top 10 reasons not to diet," in

Women Afraid to Eat: Breaking Free in Today's Weight-Obsessed World,

by Frances M. Berg. Copyright 2006, 2001, 2000. Healthy Weight Network. All rights reserved. This special feature may

be used as a handout or in nonprofit newsletters for educational purposes only and when printed with this citation. It

may not be reprinted in books or publications for sale or on the Internet without written permission from the publisher.

Healthy Weight Network, Hettinger, ND 58639 (www.healthyweight.net).

Currently listening : Rather Ripped By Sonic Youth Release date: By 13 June, 2006

Frak Rush Limbaugh

Update: 10/27/06

Michael J. Fox: I Wasn't Acting In Ad

FRIDAY OCTOBER 27, 2006 09:45AM EST

By Stephen M. Silverman

 

Michael J. Fox Photo by: Stephen Lovekin / WireImage

Michael J. Fox says he wasn't "off his medication or acting" in an ad for a Democratic political candidate, as Rush Limbaugh has charged, but was in fact overmedicated.

In a CBS Evening News interview with Katie Couric on Thursday, Fox explained that the effects of his medication are hard to predict: "I just take it and it kicks in when it kicks in. Sometimes it kicks in too hard and then you get what's called dyskinesia, which is that rocking motion."

When Couric said Limbaugh had suggested Fox intentionally skipped his medication to increase his symptoms and appear more sympathetic, the actor said, "The irony is that I was too medicated and was dyskinesic. Because the thing about being symptomatic is that it's not comfortable. No one wants to be symptomatic – it's like wanting to hit yourself with a hammer."

Michael J. Fox Responds to Limbaugh

http://tinyurl.com/ycuhx4
WEDNESDAY OCTOBER 25, 2006 03:05PM EST UPDATED

By Stephen M. Silverman

Limbaugh (left) and Fox Photo by: Roger L. Wollenberg / UPI / Landov;  Andrew Marks / Retna

Michael J. Fox has responded to conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh, who suggested that Fox's Parkinson's-related tremors in a TV ad for a Democratic politician were exaggerated.

In the ad for Missouri Senate challenger Claire McCaskill, who supports stem-cell research, Fox exhibits the severe shaking and stiffness associated with Parkinson's disease. But Limbaugh said on his syndicated radio program Tuesday that Fox was "either off his medication or acting."

Campaigning in Chicago for Democratic Congressional candidate Tammy Duckworth, Fox shot back, "My pills are working really well right now," the Associated Press reports.

Limbaugh said on his radio show, "If this was not an act, then I apologize." He went on to say, however, that Fox is allowing his illness to be exploited...

Missourians Against Human Cloning, a group that opposes stem-cell research, will air its own ad during Game 4 of the World Series Wednesday night, the AP reports. The ad will feature celebrities such as Patricia Heaton, The Passion of the Christ star Jim Caviezel and the St. Louis Cardinals' Jeff Suppan, the starting pitcher in the night's game against the Detroit Tigers.

In Fox's 30-second spot for McCaskill, which has been viewed by more than 1 million people on YouTube.com, the actor, 45, tells voters, "What you do in Missouri matters to millions of Americans. Americans like me."

Parkinson's is a chronic, progressive disorder of the central nervous system that renders patients increasingly unable to control their movements.

Fox was first diagnosed with the disease in 1991 and went public with it in a 1998 PEOPLE cover story. In 2000, he stopped acting full-time because of the disease, devoting himself to spending time with his family. (click link at top for full story)

Argh! Rush Limbaugh is among the slimiest, most despicable entities ( I refuse to call him "human") that's ever stepped up to a microphone (and he can shove his  if...then apology, too).

I don't care what Michael J. Fox's politics are but I do care that Limbaugh used his right to free speech to belittle Fox, a person with a life-crippling ailment, for exerting his right to speak freely.

As a heart failure patient for whom stem cell work thus far has not yet been indicated to "cure" my condition I do in fact identify with Fox's situation. I too, lost my career (as a clinical counsellor) to my illness. Like Fox,  I've carved out a way to live with my illness and it happens to include a nice slice of volunteer work each week. Of course, Fox's celebrity allows him to make a hugely greater financial impact than I do and  sincere big props to him that he's still able to help.

I'd really like to put in print how I feel towards Limbaugh.
Instead I'll use this euphemism: Frak Rush Limbaugh.

P.S. Watch the YouTube video (link above--just type in Michael J Fox and scroll to it). Observe the camera angle that doesn't allow the viewer to see just how bad Fox's condition is now. The saddest aspect of watching him on video is how he continues to fight for his dignity by holding his right arm down with his left in attempt to control the shaking.

And What Did YOU Do Today to Save The World?

Clinton raises $7.3 bln to help tackle world woes
Fri Sep 22, 2006 03:53 PM ET 

By Michelle Nichols

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Former U.S. President Bill Clinton wrapped up his second annual brainstorming summit on Friday with commitments worth $7.3 billion to combat illness, poverty, religious and ethnic conflict and climate change.

The 215 commitments secured during the three-day Clinton Global Initiative in New York were headlined by British billionaire Richard Branson's pledge on Thursday to spend an estimated $3 billion over 10 years fighting global warming.

While the 2006 initiative secured less than the 300 or so commitments made during the inaugural event last year, the value of this year's pledges almost tripled the $2.5 billion achieved in 2005.

"What Richard Branson did here is wonderful, but you don't need $3 billion to replicate it," Clinton told the summit, adding the aim of the initiative was simply to "create a piece of common ground in a highly contentious world."

Media mogul Rupert Murdoch, chief executive of News Corp. also reminded people that commitments to tackle the world's woes did not need to involve a big monetary donation.

"We can do many, many things -- they're not multibillion dollar things -- but maybe they're more valuable," Murdoch said at the event.

Among the pledges made was a commitment to create a green fund expected to raise up to $1 billion and to be managed by former World Bank President James Wolfensohn to support investments in renewable energy.

Microfinance nonprofit Opportunity International pledged to provide $500 million in loans, savings, insurance, and training to help 50 million people work their way out of poverty around the world.

The world's biggest diamond producer, De Beers, pledged $2 million to help improve the lives of diamond miners in Tanzania, frequently exploited by middlemen and rogue traders.

Merck & Co. Inc. committed $75 million in a partnership with the government of Nicaragua to vaccinate every child born in Nicaragua over the next three years against rotavirus, the most common cause of severe diarrhea among children.

The initiative grew out of Clinton's frustration as president from 1993 to 2001 at attending conferences on important world issues that were all talk and no action.

Among those helping generate ideas and money at the summit were billionaire businessmen Bill Gates and Warren Buffett and 50 current and former heads of state, along with entertainer Barbra Streisand.

In a recorded message shown at the initiative, former South African President Nelson Mandela commended the 1,000 people attending the summit for accepting Clinton's call to action.

"This initiative is a global movement where every word spoken, every partnership discovered and every promise made can have a direct impact on the lives of millions of people across our planet for generations to come," Mandela said.

Smoking Room

Thanks to my dear friend "B." in Calgary for sharing this very cool painting speaking volumes.

It's official: Marijuana has no medicinal purpose(s)

We had great top-down weather again and it was unexpected--tomorrow should be like today was supposed to be--colder, less sun, maybe rainy.

I had a productive day--at least relative to my recent  level of productivity. 
I spent a number of hours at "Wings"-- in some ways very different situation than what my last gig was. It was pretty physical but I managed to get around the store a bit--plus started getting the books & media section straightened up and replenished a bit.
It helps that staff is very friendly and diverse (yes, there is a developmentally disabled man-- "retarded" but high functioning) --similar in a number of ways to what I'm used to-- there was also a court-ordered community service person working in back, a couple of volunteers here & there (me included), no management (in both stores, both quit--the coordinator--who I know fairly well--is running the newer of the two stores and this one has more experienced staff so is "fending"). Guess I came 'round in the nick of time.

One very marked difference that was apparent before I was offered the gig was that some board members stop in and help out (the one that recruited me right out of the book section was later described as "very hands on"). I think another was there today helping out in back. The board members are mostly rich people and though nice, they can't really ditch that rich-person um, aura. But I totally dig that they are around--as they have a real interest in the place.
Very nice people--fun--made me feel super-welcome--and I already get 30% off all my purchases. 

The book area in the receiving section/processing area is opposite a garage-size door that's often kept open--today was great--views of spring flowers across the way--very pleasant.
So I'm stressing less about my impending bills--and happy about more physical, social & positive financial activity.  

Okay, so I just watched the current epi. of Dr. Who & after went with spouse to walk the dog. Who was pretty good (best so far for this version, IMO) And tomorrow is a "Sci-Fi original" movie about a possessed mammoth (as in wooly). They are so totally ripping off Ice Age 2.

Can't miss it if only because Summer Glau is in it (screaming a lot one would surmise from the many previews shown during the breaks in Dr.Who).

Happy weekend all! 

P.S. It's official: Marijuana has no medicinal purpose(s). I know this to be factual because my government just declared it so.

Why Dioxin?

To follow up on this post.

Facinating historical summary of  how and why we poision, which draws ties to the whys and wherefores of the Russian leader's recent poisoning.

LINK

 

What if the intention was not to kill Mr. Yushchenko but to injure him in ways that mimic a fall from grace, like superimposing the ruined face of an alcoholic onto a once handsome man? This is a glimpse, I suspect, into the secret world of chemical warfare, the successor to the old poisoners' guild, and even, perhaps, a peep behind the shreds of the Iron Curtain. Steady doses of dioxin cause cancer and premature aging.

This is precisely what I wondered aloud to my spouse in discussing the poisoning. I remarked on the astonishingly change in Mr. Yushenko's appearance from appearing dashingly telegenic to having the face  of  a stereotypical old Russian drunk.

December 19, 2004

OP-ED CONTRIBUTOR

Murder He Ate

By GAIL BELL

 Forresters Beach,

Australia

WHEN Viktor Yushchenko sat down on Sept. 5 to his bowl of soup at the summer house of the deputy chief of the Ukrainian government's intelligence unit (the successor to the old Soviet K.G.B.), he may well have been supping with the devil.

For weeks afterward he suffered a bizarre cascade of symptoms - prostration, crippling abdominal pains, a swollen liver and disfiguring lesions on his upper body and face-all indicative of a violent internal process that was variously described as an infection (possibly viral, and probably herpes) and gluttony (overindulgence in exotic foods). Mr. Yushchenko gradually recovered enough health to return to his campaign for the presidency of Ukraine, but the man who donned the orange scarf and stepped back up to the microphone had taken on the appearance of a scarred and bloated roué.

And there the matter stayed, until Mr. Yushchenko's protestations that he'd been poisoned were finally investigated outside his own country, by a team in a

Vienna clinic headed by Dr. Michael Zimpfer. When Dr. Zimpfer's findings were made public on Dec. 11, the world sat up and took notice.

The headlines gave us two vital pieces of information: poison, which we all understood, and dioxin. Dioxin? It sounded like some sort of chemical; it even sounded vaguely familiar, like something you'd buy at the plant nursery. As the days passed we read everything we would ever need to know about the properties of dioxin, without discovering the answers to the deeper, more troubling questions of who administered it, and why. Not, why try to hurt Mr. Yushchenko, but why use dioxin to do it?

It is curious and unsettling in 2004 to be reading about the attempted assassination by poison of a prominent political figure. Murder by poison has largely been relegated to the history pages, principally because science has overtaken the great advantage that the poisoner of old had over his pursuers: the ability to hide his work beneath the normal calamities that afflict human life.

Death by degrees of pain and wasting could (particularly in the 19th century) be laid at the door of organic disease, and there were few if any tests for the suspicion of poison. In the 21st century the game is desperately hard to play, unless, as in Mr. Yushchenko's case, you apply the first rule of the old poisoners' handbook. Choose a substance that nobody can identify. Find an obscure environmental pollutant that infects the air around smelting and recycling plants and concentrate it into a small vial.

Poisoning is not an amateur's game. There is art and a good deal of cunning to perfect before one can claim admission to the guild. Graduates of the old poisoning schools grappled with the same compounding problems as modern chemists and apprentice chefs in five-star hotels. Will the powder mix with the liquid? Will the oil separate into a greasy film? Have I cloaked the telltale smell under enough aromatic spices? And what about the taste?

Our senses are not trained to discriminate what is hidden under camouflage. Studying the contents of your plate looking for odd colors has never been a reliable gauge of what is normal. Arsenic, for instance, is red, yellow, green or white depending on its chemical bedfellow. And what of poison's smell? Prussic acid smells like almonds, hemlock smells like a family of mice, oleander like chocolate, and arsenic in cocoa like supper on a cold night: there are no reliable pocket guides to assist the novice. To his wife, dioxin smelled like "some kind of medicine" on Mr. Yushchenko's lips.

Poisoning is an up close and personal crime. The victim is deceived into swallowing a toxic dose concealed in a benign carrier like food or drink, thereby betraying one of the foundations of all social dealings between fellow humans, the assumption of benign intent. In Ukraine, the rules of hospitality demand that the guest eat and drink heartily at the host's table, even when he suspects the host of ill intent.

As a matter of course in an earlier century, Mr. Yushchenko might have taken his own poison-taster to the dinner party at the dacha. Poison-tasters trained their wizard eyes on every stage of meal preparation, following each dish from kitchen to table to mouth - sometimes adding a little theater to their performance by the application of crystals and feathers, but, in essence, using the highest acuity of their native senses.

I have in my own collection a poisoner's ring, which is hinged on one side and has a hollow compartment concealed under a large amethyst. With practice I have perfected a party trick of dropping a small piece of fizzing vitamin tablet into my dining partner's wine glass. It is surprisingly easy to distract someone long enough to flip the hinge, let the sliver fall and watch until the bubbles subside. How simple was it, one wonders, to slip dioxin, which is easily absorbed in fat, into the jug of cream destined for Mr. Yushchenko's soup, or, stealing from a later chapter of the poisoner's handbook, to coat his spoon, or plate, with an invisible layer of chemical?

A chemist at University College,

London, wondered why a peculiar substance like dioxin was chosen in the first place. "If you really want to kill someone you use cyanide or ricin or strychnine," wrote Dr. Andrea Sella in The New Scientist.com, "If you use something weird I guess it's just that much harder to find."

The 12 STIs Of Christmas Revisited

LINK

Damned if I do.../ Fluwatch

I'm getting bored with myself and my recitation of the events of my days.

What's paramount in my mind atm, is making a potentially life-altering decision.
I've known it was coming. I started anticipating it four years ago.
I'll recap quickly if I haven't lost you already.

On Aug 19, 1998, after months of declining health for no apparent reason, I was diagnosed with heart failure. My ejection fraction--a measurement of how well your heart pumps, was 10%, and heart transplantation--if I lived--was a real possibility, as there is no cure for what I have (idiopathic cardiomyopathy). Though I shouldn't get annoyed, most people I've met and talk to about this think that heart transplant is a good thing. Wrong. It's bad, very bad. What's the longest you've heard of a transplant patient living after the transplant? Five, 10 years? Yeah, "No" on the heart transplant until there are no other options.

Medication can help alleviate symptoms and over time (years) my prescriptions have made me medically stable, hovering around the cut-off range of official heart failure. Yes, this is a good thing--better than I was supposed to expect. As an aside, I've since found out that though guardedly optimistic when discussing this with me --the cardio docs thought things were pretty grim in my first year or two. And maybe things are grim and I'm in denial, but if you dwell on the bad, it doesn't leave much time for the good.

Exercise and dietary changes and a boatload of meds have me feeling better than I have since getting ill. Do I feel normal? Hell, I don't even remember what normal felt like. I know I pee about 20 times a day due to the diuretics--and consequently my bladder is shot, and I sleep really funny and my breath catches when I climb the stairs from the basement or bend over at the waist. I get dizzy sometimes but have always managed to grab onto something or someone to steady myself. And I tire easily and it's a profound kind of tired--unlike lack of sleep tired (which makes things b-a-d).
I think too, that I sustained some mild brain damage when I almost died six years ago. There was so little blood being pumped that my lungs were shutting down, and since this went on for months, I think my theory is quite possible. The meds have potentially dozens of side effects--so that may be affecting my memory, too. I can't ever know 'cos I can't ever go off the meds.
So my life abruptly changed--I couldn't do much of anything the first few years.
I applied for Social Security Disability and got it. As I understood it, if it looked to them like you could recover, they'd review your case in a year or two--a little less hope, then at three years and if they thought you were a permanent lost cause, you'd get reviewed on your seventh year. I just passed the six year mark of collecting SSD and have now received a big fat packet of forms to fill out and mail back, so the gov't can decide how deserving I am.
This vexes me because I'm not sure what I'm "supposed" to be doing.
Actually, that's not quite right. I think I'm supposed to be taking care of my loved ones and myself and living life the best way I can.
So the question is, within the very narrow parameters of what the govt defines as disabled, am I disabled?
I have very mixed feelings about reapplying. Not having to work full-time gives me the luxury of having time to get regular cardiovascular exercise, have a hobby or two that I really enjoy, and volunteer for a few hours here and there with my son's school and choir, as well as the charity store.
I suppose if I gave all that up I could handle an "official" part-time job.
The last one I had was substitute teaching at the local Jr. high school. I would put in a day subbing and though I found it immensely enjoyable (prior to choosing counseling as my profession, I seriously pondered teaching), life ground to a halt after each time I put in a day's work as I needed two days to rest up after each day I worked.
As my life is now, I can pace myself so I don't get very run down and I know I feel healthier because of it.
Ugh.
I really don't like this govt judgment of my life. The questions are horribly intrusive and a doctor's certification is impossible to get because they won't commit to anything more than stating my diagnosis--due to fear of litigation. So it's up to me to do this--all on my own and I'm feeling very resistant. I just went through the humiliating experience of having a doctor's office twice telephone about a pending appt where I was to receive my flu shot and have them tell me I "didn't qualify" as a recipient. But my heart failure cardio guy insists I get one 'cos I'm a heart failure patient. Ohhh, they said, so sorry, yes, yes, come in and get shot.
Bleh. I took some old person's shot. I'm probably damned.

In other news...
Call me paranoid
How sick are you?