I didn't know this woman well enough to call her a blogging friend and that was completely intentional.
Initially, I added her to my Vox neighbourhood because she was blogging friends with many if not most, of my new Vox neighbours.
Within a week or so of me reading her blog I realized that she was extremely troubled--beyond her admitted long-term bipolar disorder. I realize bi-polar disorder is serious enough and with it comes many extremes but her extremes were extreme.
She angrily dropped out of Vox then dropped back in then did so again (deleting her blog each time). She came back again fairly recently though, it seemed rather tentatively. (Her blog here at TypePad remained though I'm guessing due to it being a paid blog that it won't much longer.)
Even her most ardent supporters now characterize her as someone who led a troubled life, wrestling with demons of her own making.
Still it was a "holy crap" moment for me when I read last night that on the very day that she blogged about feeling better, getting some work freelance writing and being so excited that she was getting a brand new motorcycle--on that very day she bought her new bike, she took it out on the highway, crashed into a concrete wall on the on-ramp to another highway and plunged 33 feet to her death between the two highways, down to the ground below.
Now the Vox community, which still feels small to me, is reacting and me being the student of human behaviour that I think I was born as am finding myself drawn to read the reactions of her blogging friends both current and past.
In a case or two her friendships went beyond blogging or IMing online but in the one case that I know of well enough--that friendship ended on a very unpleasant note. The person with whom she was an off-line friend has become over the past year, a cherished online friend to me. This lady knew her quite well and is having a really hard time with her emotions. One can't just ignore that the woman who died on Sept 11 of this year has three grade school-age children, yet the woman herself hurt so many, probably herself more than anyone, it's quite sticky as to how one expresses condolences.
I'm still thinking on this one. Having long ago removed myself from her "neighbourhood," as it is called at Vox, makes it easier for me--nothing is expected--but there are outpourings of grief some members of my Vox neighbourhood and it's really hard to know what is the right thing--the most considerate and/or comforting thing to say. Saying nothing feels wrong and "I hope she rests in peace doesn't really seem to say it well, either."
The vagaries of online friendships continue to vex me.
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