Lots of Loss

I haven't posted as some things are not great. I should be thankful that things could be worse or that other folks have it worse but I can't wrap my head around it.

There's been a lot of loss and I just haven't felt like re-hashing it.

I'm a pretty stand-offish person, I suppose shy by nature, with sheer will making it appear that I'm friendly. Bottom line is I don't like most people. Period. They bug me with all their stupid human foibles and pettiness and so they reflect back to me what I know myself to be. Extremely flawed.

If I get close to someone (other than blood family--in a category of their own) it's because the person is someone I look up to--someone better than me, in other words.
But with attachments come worry & pain and that's all it seems to be of late.
So...
Life sucks, with brief interludes of it not. Without the brief interludes...well, I'm not even going to that dark place.