Stupid Angry Canajun's Big Six

The Big Six

I'm dedicating this to a friend of mine acquaintance irksome mosquito-like blog-stalker.

Some days, Life confuses me for a martini. I end up shaken, not stirred. Today is one of those days. So much material, so little motivation (yawn), so few brain cells with active synapses. But enough about me. What are the absolute essentials to reaching the heights of blog fame? Naturally you look to a stupid angry canajun to solve this burning question:

1. Emphasize that you're a moron. There are so many ways to do this. Don't limit yourself to multiple fonts of hideous colours on garish backgrounds.

I take great pride in being considered a moron. It's a talent that I come by naturally. That, and cutting and pasting.

2. Apologize profusely if you miss posting for an entire hour. Oh my gord. The blogworld barely existed while you were gone. What were you thinking? Apologies don't feed the bulldog, mister.

Eh, feck it. There's a really great blog over at Live Dead Journals elsewhere. Go read it.

3. Post every scary email you receive because gord knows no one would send an urban legend to the one who runs the blogworld.

I haven't really received any scary email, but I'm sure I will now. And I'll be sure to post it.

4. RaNdom caPitaliZation is the key to issuing coded messages to the Mothership. Communication is vital in these end times.

Guilty, but only because I can't tty[pe to save my skin.

5. Tell us you're giving up blogging. Tell us regularly. Oh my gord. The blogworld won't function if you quit.

Okay, so I was feeling really frustrated with a stalker-type and I may have once or twice expressed my ahem, discouragement. But I'm all over that now. Really.

6. Wax vitriolic about any blogger who is older/younger/more educated/less educated/richer/poorer/taller/shorter/uglier than you. Don't waSte keYstroKes commenting on the concepts. Cut straight to the heart of the matter – the very things that define blogging.

Vitriolic is a kind of strong word...okay so I've complained about this psycho-stalker person, who still thinks that everything I write is about "it" when in fact, I am only right now referring to it. No, I'm not. That would be vitriolic.