Clarity

This very personal and I don't expect it to mean much to anyone. :) I found out today that a forum I was kicked off of several months ago, has lost a number of beloved moderators in one fell swoop. It's due to the vise-like grip of the 21-y.o. owner. I've blogged about him before so I won't waste time on it now. Some of it is here, Day One: Blogger, bottom of page. I went back to the forum today to check on the journals of my former fellow journal-ists to learn of their reactions. There was a variety, from shock, anger, and surprise, to denial. I guess it's the denial that's got me shaking my head. Just close your eyes really tightly and pretend it didn't happen, is a running theme in a number of journals. I feel sadness for those that can't leave because they are emotionally dependent on the place. They don't realize that they can strike out on their own, spread their wings and fly higher than they ever could when they were beholden to the owner. I wouldn't have known any of this if I weren't kicked off and panicked at the thought of not being able to journal anymore. I could've started a handwritten, private journal, yeah. But it wouldn't last. It never has. And the oh-so-essential component of other people is here. And this space of mine (okay, I rent it from TypePad--but they are benevolent owners; they do not tell me what I can and cannot say or do), this space means so much more than what I had at the forum. This is mine. It's says Cyn all over it, and I like it that way. As much as it hurt to be thrown away like yesterday's garbage, I'm glad it happened. Hindsight. Always so clear. Now if I could just move that clarity back in time a bit, into the present moment.

Comments

[Cyn]

Lakkris: since this topic is a bit charged, I wrote you an email, so I could speak openly. Thanks though, for your openess. :)

Cynde: I like your name. ;)
Thank you for stopping by, as well as for the info. The more info. I have, the better I'm able to make (hopefully) a good choice.(And it's really okay to be serious here. I try to do that every once in a while myself. ;)

Rose: I love the name of your blog. It's why I first clicked on it to check it out. 'Course you are why I keep going back.:)

[Rose]

I like your blog, your words have meaning... Cyn City does say Cyn all over it. QueerlyCreative says my real name all over it! :)

[Cynde Sears-McGeehin]

I hate to be serious on someone's blog...but if you're not taking an MAO inhibitor, you might ask your doc about Trazodone. It helps with sleep, and it's non-addicting, etc. It's commonly used to treat depression, but if you use it as a sleep aid, it works wonders. It won't get you to sleep, like Ambien does, but once you're asleep, you'll sleep well for several hours. No groggies, no aftereffects. Worked wonders for me when I started having sleeplessness associated with my advancing age and declining hormones.

[lakkris]

it has been some interesting developments there. I cannot express truly how I feel regarding it, but again, I face the question that you had posed to me before, which is if my friends have issues shouldn't I leave also?

I haven't the time to explore it at this moment, but quickly I can say that for me it's not yet time. I know that it will be time in the future. I see myself outgrowing what it provided me, and finding it elsewhere.

Having my own journal outside of there is tremendous, especially since I can now update it while walking down the street and not miss a single idle thought.

So that being what it is... one day it will be time to say goodbye to that portion of my life. I don't know or foresee when it will happen. But I'm sure that it will.

But unlike the most recent departures, I'm going like I do anywhere else. Quietly and quickly.